By now, many of us recognize that life has started to feel a bit stale. Even with a full calendar, an overflowing inbox, and a cup of coffee that goes cold before you notice, something feels off. Days blur into each other. You end up at the same restaurants, rewatch the same shows, and schedule even your “spontaneous” plans. This isn’t quite burnout—it’s more like being trapped in a lukewarm routine. And you’re not alone.
According to a 2024 survey by Talker Research, more than one in three Americans feel socially stuck, and nearly 40% say they haven’t made a new friend in over a year. Concerts and group trips have become rare occurrences. While the pandemic accelerated this pattern, it has solidified into an ongoing habit for many.
There is, however, a straightforward practice that can help: the Take a Dozen Rule, promoted by psychologist and happiness researcher Shigehiro Oishi. It’s designed to nudge people out of their comfort zones and toward what Oishi calls “psychological richness”—a life filled with interesting experiences rather than just the pursuit of happiness or life satisfaction alone.
What Is the Take a Dozen Rule?
Image via Unsplash/Julia Taubitz
Oishi suggests that before committing to something familiar—whether it’s a restaurant, a partner, or a new apartment—you deliberately consider at least twelve alternatives. The point isn’t to exhaust yourself with endless comparisons or to make decision-making agonizing; it’s to expand your consideration set so your brain doesn’t settle too quickly.
Humans tend to latch onto the first acceptable option and underestimate the benefits of exploration. By forcing yourself to imagine and evaluate a dozen possibilities, you introduce curiosity and variety into routine choices. You might still choose the familiar option, but you’ll have the satisfaction of having explored, and that mindset can break the monotony.
Why We Stick With What We Know
The shrinking social world many experienced after 2020 isn’t imaginary. Research from MIT’s Sociotechnical Systems Research Center shows that urban exploration dropped dramatically during the pandemic and hasn’t fully recovered. Using anonymized mobile phone data from cities such as Boston and Seattle, researchers found people remain about 30% less likely to visit places outside their usual socioeconomic zones even after lockdowns ended.
Fewer visits beyond familiar areas mean fewer chance encounters and unexpected discoveries. Many people are returning to public life, but often only within a narrow range of neighborhoods and routines. That narrowing reduces novelty and can make life feel smaller.
While routine offers comfort and predictability, excessive sameness can erode creativity, motivation, and joy. Feeling stuck is, in many ways, the mind and body signaling that it’s time to try something new.
Small Shifts
Applying the Take a Dozen Rule can be simple. If you’re choosing a brunch spot, look up twelve local places you haven’t tried instead of defaulting to the same one. That search can take you to different neighborhoods, prompt conversations with new people, or uncover a surprisingly delightful find. At worst the meal is only okay; at best you feel a little more alive.
The same idea applies to travel: if your group always defaults to the same destination, put a dozen new locations on the table. Imagining different places can shift your expectations and open up possibilities you hadn’t considered.
Oishi likens humans to pigeons in their preference for familiarity. Gently pushing toward novelty—just a bit more exploration—gives your brain the stimulation it craves. According to the Talker Research survey, 76% of Americans miss their friends and want more quality time together; the obstacle is often inertia rather than desire. Endless “let’s hang soon” messages rarely lead to real plans.
The Take a Dozen Rule provides a concrete way to move past that inertia: suggest twelve coffee shops, propose twelve dates, or offer twelve weekend getaway ideas. One of them is likely to stick, and the act of choosing among many options reintroduces curiosity into your routine.
It Doesn’t Have to Be Grand
You don’t need a dramatic life overhaul. The rule isn’t about making twelve radical changes at once or forging a dozen new friendships immediately. Small acts—texting someone you haven’t seen in months, taking a different route to work, or trying a genre of books you usually avoid—can be enough to loosen the rut.
Routines accumulate slowly, and escaping them is a gradual process. The Take a Dozen Rule offers a manageable starting point: a series of modest experiments that broaden your experience and break habitual thinking. Twelve small tries can shift your momentum, and once you’re moving, that feeling of being stuck begins to fade.